Lazuli
A short story by Mia Elias
A lonely childhood bedroom awaits a now young adult as they spring out of their innocence. It is only human nature for us to see new beginnings. Are they new beginnings, or are they an end? Is an end just a start to a new beginning?
The windows were all wide open as 16-year-old Michelle Marks walked into her room. The wind drifted throughout her room like a whisper. It was a 60 degree October night, just before Halloween time. She strutted happily into her room, looking at herself in the mirror. Her room was dim. Red filled the room. The lights from the full moon sprawled out throughout her bedroom. There was no need to shut the shades; she wanted everyone to see her change her clothes and stare at herself. The room always had an eerie familiarity; even Michelle felt it at times. Even her best friend wouldn’t like to go to her place. There always seemed to be some spirit in there. It felt like someone was watching them. Over the years, Michelle stopped caring about who was watching her. At times she liked the feeling of being watched. It made her feel validated. Something seemed to be magical about the aura. A long time ago, she decorated her walls with memories of the past. Whether these memories were posters or her thoughts or something else, they were all over the walls.
She stared directly into her eyes in the mirror as it got later and later. Her face looked so interesting she could not take her eyes off herself. Her face felt like it was clay that, with every smile, every cry, she could mold it. Midnight turned into 1 am. When she usually gets home at night, she goes right in the shower, but tonight she wanted to sit in her filth. She liked the feeling that she did something wrong. Instead of rushing to the shower, she liked living with her bad choices. It was nice to have the pain carry itself into the night—the pain of all her decisions following her back to her house. She used to think taking a shower would wash away all her problems. She later found out that a shower only masked those feelings. Her choosing to make bad choices made her feel that she was free. She was always curious where she inherited her dark brown eyes. Tonight they looked darker. She stared at herself for about 10 minutes until a thought entered her mind. Someone told her a long time ago you look different after you do something significant in your life. She did not feel different but almost awkward, standing there staring at herself. She then took each bit of clothing off her; sweater, pants, panties, and bra. Her body shook as she stared at her naked self in the mirror, feeling like she was crumbling down into a dark winding spiral. She could feel chills up her spine as if someone was breathing on her neck. It felt as if someone was breathing all up and down her body, a hot, heavy musty breath.
Her face turned from pale to blue. The mirror started fighting with her slamming itself against her—it or what began to develop a face that seemed to look familiar and inviting. A look Michelle had only seen in dreams. But to Michelle’s surprise, her frail body got pushed on her bed. She grasped her mirror, fighting with it some more, wailing. As she looked deeply into the mirror while fighting it, she saw a girl in pain. A girl that looked so similar to her. The girl facing her seemed to be a destructed version of herself. It was not the mirror attacking her that made her so fearful, but it is what she saw. She saw the girl looking back at her. Michelle started to get angrier and angrier while fighting. She fought so hard that she placed the mirror back on her dresser.
Michelle tried to grab her desk chair but felt the pressure of her mirror on her chest. She screamed for her mom or brother, anyone that was in the house. But no one answered. Her mind wondered why her mom or her brother was not coming to save her. But they never saved her before; why would they save her from her mirror now? Who could ever believe a girl was getting beat up by a mirror? Michelle reached for her phone but could not get a hold of it. Her reflection stopped fighting with her. Once she was comfortable and stopped fighting, her mirror went back on her dresser. She spread out crying on her bed in fear. Her bed felt warm compared to her cold naked body. Her bed started to feel like a cloud. While she laid there shaking, trying to sleep so she would go far away from the nightmare in her room. Michelle sunk her hands into the sheets with tears running down her ears. She was not crying so much in fear but was crying in sadness and pain. She knew why her mirror attacked her. When she looked in her mirror, all she saw was broken dreams, broken glass, and broken wishes. She barely saw her body; she saw all of herself come out. She saw nothing but sadness. What others saw was a girl who was confident, satisfied with her decisions. She was not happy with herself at all. Her body felt cold, laying there naked. She allowed herself to curl up in a ball but felt selfish for doing so.
Her childhood room turned to dirt. Dirt from her garden came zooming through her window, falling aggressively on her carpet. When Michelle heard the havoc coming from her window, she awoke from her fetal position. Looking nervously around, she quickly got up to put on clothes. The earth felt silky underneath her feet. Her room became a jungle. Instead of gray walls with posters, birds came out from the windows. A pack of hummingbirds flocked into her room. The hummingbirds surrounded her like they were her guardian angels. As soon as the lilacs, hibiscus flowers, and salvia appeared, the hummingbirds went running to drink all the nectar. Michelle looked around in awe, tumbling in the dirt. A place where birds and flowers were blooming. A place that used to feel so lifeless to her now felt like life. Her room became her secret garden.
More birds flew into her room. Now there were robins, blue jays, and butterflies. Her brown hair became purple. The purple started at the root and went all the way to the ends of her hair. A surge of pain began to grow from her head. She winced in pain. The bird crowded her while she wailed in pain. It felt like something was growing out of her head. Then as she thought the problem would get worse, everything started to feel euphoric. It felt as if the sun was shining over her. While crying some more in pain or happiness, a blue lotus flower emerged from her head. It bloomed into a full-blown flower. She looked at it curiously as she has never seen a real live lotus flower before. She smiled up at the peak, growing out of her head. For the first time in a long time, she felt a wholesome smile. Michelle ran back to her reflection, which she was very fearful of at first but began to trust the demented inanimate object. She became the inanimate object. She is scared of her reflection. But when she finally saw herself for who she is, she grew into who she is. A blue lotus flower coming from murky waters.
